Interview With Steven Edward Farbstein, Biology Teacher
conducted by BENJAMIN MAGARIK

Spectator: How long have you been teaching? What have you taught?
Farbstein: Thirty-seven years. I've taught biology, history of science, philosophy, Advanced Placement psychology, and chemistry. I even taught Biology in Yeshiva. I lasted three weeks. I couldn't stand the kids.

Spectator: Do you like psychology?
Farbstein: I used to like psychology. I don't like it much anymore. It bores me.

Spectator: How do explain the popularity of A.P. Psychology?
Farbstein: One reason is that people want to know who they are. What they find out when the class is over is that they still don't know who they are. As Jung [Carl Jung, Swiss Psychologist and partial disciple of Freud] said "you step out of the fog and ask 'who am I?'" While I'm figuring out who I am, I can get a high grade.

Spectator: Who is the most interesting person you've met in your time at Stuyvesant?
Farbstein: I can't answer that.

Spectator: Anybody ever stand out?
Farbstein: One kid stands out. It's a sad story. The Biology Department used to call him "the turtle boy." He was an expert on turtles. World class, a scholar. His mother was a schizophrenic, his father was abusive. He had a naive, sweet personality- he was just a really sweet kid. He disappeared from school and he was spotted in the East Village, living on the street. He joined a vampire cult--[where] they bite each other and drink each others' blood. [sighs] A real waste of a human being… a waste of potential. He was so smart.

Spectator: What's teaching like these days?
Farbstein: I'm getting bored. I have a desire to move on.

Spectator: Favorite staff Member?
Farbstein: I don't have any favorite staff members…Mel Kane [former Biology teacher, retired]. One of the few people who has a creative life force. And Anne Moehle [Former Biology and Psychology teacher, retired]: a great teacher.

Spectator: What's your opinion of cafeteria food?
Farbstein: I think if they served that in Riker's Island there'd be a riot. They serve you hockey pucks, chicken crappola.

Spectator: What do you think of Stuyvesant students?
Farbstein: It's a very diverse group. Someone once told me that "if you told them to jump, they'd ask how high?" That's not something I'd say [about them].

Spectator: If you were a Stuyvesant student, where would you apply to college?
Farbstein: I'd go to UCLA. You can hang out on the beach, enjoy the climate, it's aesthetically pleasing, there's good instruction, and it doesn't cost that much. If you're a little looser, cruise with Santa Cruz.

Spectator: In a sentence or less, what are your thoughts on the state of the public education in New York City?
Farbstein: The Second Law of Thermodynamics

Spectator: What, if any, is the role of knowledge in Stuyvesant?
Farbstein: Knowledge is a function of the brain. In the Kabbalah, [Jewish mystical text] they say feeling is a function of the heart. The goal is wisdom when knowledge fills the heart. There ain't no wisdom in Stuyvesant.

Free Association Test
Spectator: I give you a random phrase, you tell me your immediate thoughts or reaction- in a sentence.
a. Freud- no one cares
b. Seniors- lazy
c. Math and Science- hard.
d. SING!- a circus
e. Teachers- immature.
f. Administrators- nobody home.
g. The Student Union- playpen
h. Consciousness- Consciousness.
i. Bozo the clown- The faculty procession at graduation
j. Standardized Tests- waste of time
k. Narcissism- our culture.
l. Westinghouse/Intel- waste of time.
m. Morality- [throws up his hands and shrugs]. Don't know what that is.
n. College- Waste of time…. And money.
o. America- What is it?